Yiruma - Kiss the Rain

This is the song my husband and I were talking about on Easter and heard during the Remembering Together Service in October for infant and pregnancy loss

Easter Sunday was a pretty good day for me and my family. We went to church in the morning and then my husband grilled steaks and made a delicious lunch. While we were eating, my husband was playing a song on his phone that he came across earlier in the week. We decided that it sounded eerily familiar to both of us and spent a while trying to figure out where we heard it from. We decided we heard it at a funeral and had to think of who's it was that we had been to recently. Then it dawned on my husband and he said, "I know where we heard this, it was at Cameron's memorial service". That is the first time I had heard him refer to our baby by his name and it broke my heart all over again.

Hearing Brady speak Cameron's name Sunday has had my emotions all over the place. No crying or anything, just feeling jealous of all the women who are pregnant right now,jealous of the people who have never experienced the loss of a pregnancy (and I don't wish it on anyone).

About 3 weeks ago I experience some abnormal bleeding a week after my regular cycle, and I was advised to stop taking my birth control until we figured out why this was happening. I took a home pregnancy test, negative; took a blood test, negative. Last week I had a yearly exam and am currently waiting the results. I was supposed to have my cycle this week and have yet to have it. Normally when I have switched or stopped birth control pills, my body has bounced back and if it was late it was only a day late. I am four days late.

I have no idea what's going on, its like I dont even know my body anymore. Anyways, I just had to get this off of my chest, thanks for listening (reading). I hope you all had a great Easter weekend!