As the one year approaches, I'm finding myself having conflicting emotions. One day, I'm completely fine and unaware of the approaching date. The next I just want to stay in bed and have no human contact. But as a stay at home mom, staying in bed is not an option for me. Today is kind of one of those days.
As the day draws closer, my mind keeps replaying the night I miscarried. Like I've said in other posts, I want to shake the images from my mind but I also want to hold on to them because I get to see my baby. I regret not holding the baby still to this day, but it's something I have to live with. I think I'm having phantom pains as it gets closer too. I get these cramps out of nowhere, for no reason whatsoever and nothing works to make them go away (tylenol or motrin). If I'm already having these now, I pray I don't feel that horrible feeling I did that night that Morphin couldn't numb when the day finally approaches.
I've been in contact with some people from church about getting a group started for women who've miscarried and I have met someone who has started one for Infertility and Miscarriage, it should be interesting to see how we can help women. I've always wanted to help people, but who knew I'd be helping them because of something tragic like this. I know God has a plan for all of us, so I'm going to listen to Him & do his will.
I plan on releasing ballons on March 7th for baby Cameron, a few of my friends from other towns are going to release one as well. Im very blessed to have these people in my life, withouth them I dont think I could be as strong as I am now.
There's a song that recently came out from one of my favorite christian artists, Britt Nicole. It talks about God always being with us and never leaving us. It's brought me such comfort since it came out and I'd like to share it with you. I hope you like it. God Bless.
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